I'm a weak sonofabitch

I kept adam. I didn't dump him. He proved himself not to be a fuckface. Geoff is a fuckface. geoff got his internet taken away. I don't have to deal with him. Adam is gonna kick the shit out of Geoff for me. WOOT!!!I haven't updated my site lately. But I haven't had the time, energy, or motivation to do it. Other stuff in my life has just seemed more important. I have blue hair. My mom's computer techie friend came up from texas to hang out with us for awhile. He fixed up my computer. Now I hace a CD burner, 3 times the ram, a scanner, and winxp running on my computer. The scanner is my moms. She never used it and the techie (allan) convinced her to give it to me. The ram...allan decided that anbd the CD burner would be a gift from him. winxp was a disk allan had witha key that he can use over and over again...can you say pirated software??? lol Never report an error with a pirated version, allan told me. So I never report erros. My computer is pretty kool now. I now gots a better isp than aol. that was because my mom decided to surf on my computer and got angry at how slow the connection was so she got me a new one. it's blazing fast man!well, not blazing, but....we might be getting cable after we move, if we move. We probably will be, my mom says.That upsets me. That upsets me very much. I hope we stay in the same town...I'd miss all my friends. Without my friends I would not survive. There have been many times I was about to commit suicide and my friends kept me from going over the edge. I don't know what I'd do without them. Oh darn, I'm about to get all teary now. I should stop before I cry. I'll c ya next time I decide to update.

7/6

Hey...life is painful.....next time I talk ot adam I'm gonna make it go boom...that's gonna be hard, beleive it or not. He's a kool guy, except for the whole cheating thing. But I can't just let it go, I mean, I've been betrayed. On a different, but not necesarilly lighter, note. Geoff hasn't been on for a few days. I miss my demonic possessed spy. Maybe he got grounded. I tried calling yesterday. He wasn't home. Oh well, he and I shall talk soon enough. Well, at least, I hope so. I went to a party yesterday. It was fun. We had a fake four/fivesome. Carly taped it. But we had our clothes on. My mom thinks Sky, Cris, and I are gonna have a threesome. But we aren't. I love how parents can be assholes from time to time. And now m,y best friend since 4th grade, Pan, is hinting that she doesn't want to be friends anymore, all bevcause I took Sky's side in a fight. But Sky was right, Pan isn't punk...she should be proud of who she is. But if she can't accept that then I don't need a friend like her. But I never like losing friends. Man, the whole adam thing is ending, and now the pan thing is either gonna end or has turned to shit...I hate this kind of stuff.

6/20

wow...been a long time since I edited this page....but it's not my fault!!! June was very hectic. I had to try to get my marks up high enough to pass english for the year...which I did, I didn't have to work as hard as my english teacher said I did...the bitch! wouldn't have hurt me to work harder in spanish, though....I go along thinking I'm doing fine in spanish...and I just barely passed for the year.....all because I worked hard on english and skimmed everything else. DAMN ENGLISH TEACHER!!! Well, now I'm in high school. Yup, big high school girl. Freshmen, yeah, but still, I'm in high school! Anyways, onto a new topic. Boys are idiots. BIG idiots.I found out adam was playing me the whole time. the asshole. Oh well. I found a new guy that I like. Jeremy. He knows. I gave him a note saying that I do. Also, a bitch prep ashley told him. I don't know how she found out. He said something about liking my personality but not my looks.  I hate her. Pan likes her. Pan needs to die. She's been an annoying pain in the ass lately. She doesn't let ANYONE have a different opinion from her. Everyone has to think exactly like her and if they don't she'll try to kick the shit out of them. I'm dead serious. She's a spoiled brat bitch sometimes. Yet she's my best friend. Strange, huh? Pain in the ass mom..grounding me...then saying I can go places last minute....Adam needs to die...I'll stab him with sporks...he'll bleed to death...YAY! Anyways, now I have a demonic possessed spy....yup! I just got one! He's named Geoff, and he's my demonic possessed spy, although he's not demonic or possessed or my spy, really, I just feel like calling him that. He's my friend, I think, unless I'm missing something...I need to add more to my friend's page...I need to add my demonic possessed spy, and my new friend Bandon, plus a few other people. Yup, amazing, the all mighty and powerful insane pone has made some new friends. adam must be killed. Oh yeah, at a relatively unsupervised party, your lesbian friends WILL make out...oh well, I'm happy for them, they've found love. It's rare to find love. I thought I had found a love as perfect as Serena and Darien from Sailor Moon. But, sadly, I was wrong. Oh well. Life will do that to you. Geoff called me today. It was fun. We blabbed about various ways to kill Adam. I think Geoff is angry with Adam too. I get to call Geoff later today. Well, anyways I have lotsa work planned on the site, so I gots to go. Man, this entry is longer than usual. C ya laterz!

5/28

FINALLY!! Ever since my last edit damn tripod hasn't been letting me acess my site to eidt....I sent them a nasty email yesteray, and today they FINALLY let me touch my account. Well, yesterday i found out my adam's friend has a crush on me (just what I DIDN'T need). My bestest friend Pan is my cousin! (sorta!). You see, her aunt by marriage used to be my mom's best friend in high school (they were like sisters!) so yeah....less than a month until the end of school..12 more school days....and monday in a minimum day....and we miss 2 days because of 8th grade feild trips....hehehe......do it's really almost like 9 1/2 days...hehehehehe....anyways, i gotta go now and figure out life...c  ya!

5/17

The 15th was my b-day. It was OK except I got a no snack from my dumbass math teacher  and had a minor fight with my mom. it was all kool though, just a fight over who would stay up with the clothes. I got a blink 182 CD from sky (blame her for all the blink midis popping up....) and I got $10 and a $5 calling card from Nicky, pan gave me a card with $20 in it and she's taking me to lake compounce tomarrow (if it doesn't rain, that it...), and Joy gave me a little altoid tin and inside was $10 with a magnet, a bell, a note, and a buncha bazooka comics. Jassy gave me a purse filled with candy and useless stuff. My mom is going to give me a $50 shopping spree at hot topic, and she took me out for pizza. My aunt is going to take me clothes shopping...too bad she buys prepish stuff.....oh well...my friend fred gave me a comic...my neighbor melissa gave me $2.....my neighbor victor gave me a hug.....my online bro, the CP, gave me a $30 gift certificate to amazon.com. with it, I bought amichelle branch CD and a simple plan CD. Good CDs, both of them. And I haven't been to my grandma's yet, and she usually loads on the presents. Plus, I know for a fact I'm gonna get money from my great aunt. On another subject, I can't really see adam online anymore. his dad took away his internet. so unless he snewaks to hus friend Brandon's house, he can't really talk. and his dad doesn't like that I talk to him or something like that 'cause if he answers the phone when I call then BIG trouble.....oh well....true love cannot be broken by time or distance...absense makes the heart grow fonder...DAMN!!! I miss adam...I want him...I'm almost crying  miss him so much...anyways, I should stop typing before I actually do start crying. bye

5/05

I hate preps. they think they own the world, when it's really punks, goths, and freaks who do. Oh well...read about it on my war page. I got to stay home all alone this weekend and go to my friend Kristen's b-day party, and I gave her a fuzzy bunny...I hope she slowly torture and/or kills it. I hate when parents pick out presents for your friends. And the school said they aren't gonna send me graduation tickets yet because they aren'tt sure if I'm gonna get above an F in all of my vclasses....maybe if they hadn't stuck me in class with AHHOLE PREPS so that I could ACTUALLY HEAR THE TEACHER OVER THE TALKING (wow, such a new idea!) I'd get better grades....but no, they refuse to change my classes...i wish my mom hadn't bailed on me....I really wish she hadn't....oh well....on monday I was supposed to call my bf but the electric and stuff went off...how convienient! (NOT!) well, I better stop, joy wants me to update my website NOW and she's getting antsy...c ya!

4/16

MAN!! I'm SO pissed right now! I got sent to my grandparent's house yesterday! It's hell here, and they keep harrassing me about my blue hair and clothes. It's SO annoying to be here. Plus, my grandma made me get off the phone with my boyfriend and I might not get to talk to him for the rest of the week. I mean, how unfair is that! She wasn't even paying for it, I was using a calling card!!! And now, I might have accidentally started a fight with my 2 best friends.....**sighs** tensions have been running high between us, and I was having a shitty day, so I kept telling them I didn't want to talk to the robot on aim, but they kept pushing, so I exploded....they don't seem to wanna talk to me now...I'm all alone...plus, my grandma will be trying to screen any calls I make to see if I'm calling anyone...she thinks that if I call a boy I know from school I'm gonna be raped or some stupid shit like that. Well, I'll just find a way to get around it, like I always do. I seem to be good at that....oh yeah, btw...LIFE SUX!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **sighs** oh, and one of the friends I had a fight with...her grandmother died yesterday. Oh, I wish that life wasn't so hellholeish......if only my bf were here.....then I might be happy.......he always cheers me up, I've only laughed once and it wasn't even a real laugh since I got off the phone with him...sure, I'm not miss sunshine, but I'm usually more happy than that. Right now I wish I could chew my arm off so that maybe I could ignore my grandparents! Well, I should go now, who knows when they'll turn around and take away internet and so I'll be stuck watching MTV on TV (ACK! PREP TV!!!!!!!!!) Gotta go now, bye....

3/30

4:23 AM...VERY tired...I'm going to and I think it's one of my better works. Well, gotta go sleepies now, c ya laterz!!! 

3/29

Today is a "BLEH...." day...I slept a bunch, then I went and made brownies from boredom and starvation, then I watched MTV...then I went online, out of boredom, and here I am. Last night/early this morning, my friend got into a fight with her boyfriend, and it seems I'm in the middle of it **sighs** I hate that...I gor warning cards from my teachers, and didn't show them to my mom, so teachers called my mom, so I'm in DEEP shit...oh well, I can get online, so I'm OK....going to go have a meeting with the people from the high school to find out what my classes will be. I doubt I'm going to get any recommendations. Damn homework. Without it I'd get all A's. But I have to watch my little sisters all the time, and I can't concentrate with them, so I get the bad grades. It's all my mom's fault for not getting a babysitter while she goes to school, yet she still yells at me. It all seems rather hopeless.I have no hope for the furture, the past brings pain, and most the time the present seems meaningless. I used to have 4 reasonsto go on. Now I only have 2 reasons. Well, 3 if you count the reason that is included in one of the other reasons.The people who are involved know who they are **sighs** If I can survive till the summer, all will be OK...especially if my plan works out well. Right now, with the plan it's all left to fate. Once it gets fully developed even, it's mostly still gonna be left to fate. All except one or two people will be confused by this, so I should shut up. Well, In The End just came on, and it's one of my fav songs, so I must go and sing it....farewell!

3/21

Today has been one of the single worst days of my life, made all the worse by the fact that yesterday was an exceptionally good day. Yesterday I got to stay hgome from school, sleep all day, and a friend of mine got to go online more than we both though was possible...plus it was just a good day.....but today I felt shitty as hell.....and I had to go to school.....plus, at least one of my friends is pissed as hell at me, if not more...and it apeears that my friend isn't gonna get online today....oh well, I guess.........life sux.....but I MIGHT be able to go over a friend's house tomarrow...the all-mighty-trippy-chicken's house! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, gotta go ward off telemarketers and such my acting like satan when I answer the phone, buh-bye!! I'll try to keep you updated on my hellhole life.......